I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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