i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
