her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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