butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
