THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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