In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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