he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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