You're my little dorito
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
