my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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