I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
