I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
