just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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