I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
