You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
