do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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