i'm signing you up for texting rehab
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
