Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
