So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
