I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
