Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
