i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
