I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
