but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
