im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
