Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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