when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
