You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
