yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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