I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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