He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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