Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
