My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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