Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
