By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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