She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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