He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
