yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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