fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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