Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
17 year olds will be the death of me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
