I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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