Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
