Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
