She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
