we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
