dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
