Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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