When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
