i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
