Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
