Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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